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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27323710">In My Memory, There's Still Burning</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bara_no_Uta/pseuds/Bara_no_Uta'>Bara_no_Uta</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Finding Meaning in [E]ternity [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NieR: Automata (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Ending E (NieR: Automata), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:10:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,115</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27323710</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bara_no_Uta/pseuds/Bara_no_Uta</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>2B took a few seconds to decide on the right phrasing. When she finally spoke again, her voice was quiet. “Does it get easier? …Carrying bad memories.”<br/>A2's expression darkened, but she decided she would answer the question. “I don’t know. Anemone tells me it does. She says I’ll feel better after I grieve.” She still wondered if she actually deserved to feel better, no matter what Anemone said or what her old allies would have said. “It’s… complicated.”<br/>---<br/>Part of a series, but can be read as a stand-alone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>2B/A2 (NieR: Automata)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Finding Meaning in [E]ternity [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1892593</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>In My Memory, There's Still Burning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>They're starting to really trust one another! ❤</p><p>This work is my NaNoWriMo project now, so for those of you who are following along, you can expect more frequent updates this month! Like... just about daily?</p><p>The quote in A2's flashback is from the end of the YoRHa 1.2 stage play, translation mine.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>               A2 stretched, deciding it was about time to go into sleep mode. She typically tried to delay it, knowing how likely it was that she would see that same nightmare again, but she preferred to at least sleep of her own volition than put it off until her body shut down and forced the issue. The latter tended to cause her to be much more disoriented when she woke, which made it harder to move on from the dream.</p><p>               Just as she was starting to settle down, she heard footsteps approaching. “Pod, who is that?”</p><p>               “Analysis: Unit 2B has arrived.”</p><p>               It was strange for 2B to be visiting her this late, which meant something was likely amiss. A2 sat up, waiting for her to come into the doorway.</p><p>               Soon enough, 2B appeared. Though it was technically “night,” since the sun didn’t set, A2 could still clearly see her face in the sunlight from the window. Now that 2B had stopped wearing her goggles, her expression was much easier to read than it used to be, and A2 felt something in her chest clench as she noted that 2B looked like she wanted to cry.</p><p>               A2 motioned to the space beside her, inviting 2B to come sit down so they could talk about it. One thing she had learned since starting to get close to 2B and having Anemone back in her life was that surprisingly, things felt more bearable when she wasn’t carrying them alone.</p><p>               2B sat down, avoiding A2’s gaze. She still wasn’t used to allowing herself to be so vulnerable in someone else’s presence. Prior to the destruction of YoRHa, the idea of it was practically unthinkable, after all.</p><p>               But thing had changed since then, and just as she wanted to support A2, she understood that A2 wanted to support her as well. 9S did, too, but… it felt wrong to ask him to comfort her about the pain of having to kill him. He was the one who deserved to grieve about the cycle they had been trapped in, much more than she did.</p><p>               A2 waited, giving 2B space to choose her words or decide if she wanted to talk at all. If she didn’t want to talk, but had just wanted her company, A2 was content to provide that too.</p><p>               Just sitting beside A2 helped her feel a little calmer and more grounded. It was a clear shift from what would have been possible back then, so it was a reminder that things were different now – in a good way, at least as far as that went. After a while, she took a deep breath. “You told 9S and me that you erased Pascal’s memories because he asked you to.”</p><p>               She nodded. It had been a difficult decision, but ultimately she decided that it was his right to choose whether he wanted to remember or forget. She still wondered sometimes if she had done the right thing, but because she knew what it was like to have such painful memories and guilt that you didn’t even want to live, she hoped she had chosen the most merciful option.</p><p>               “If… I ever asked you to erase my memories, would you?”</p><p>               A2 inhaled sharply. Erasing 2B’s memories would mean losing her, in a way, and that idea pained her. They could potentially rebuild a friendship, but because 2B wouldn’t be the same, things would always be different between them… and that was if 2B would still even want to be her friend. Even so, she nodded resolutely. “As long as you were sure.”</p><p>               She couldn’t bring herself to put her own wishes above 2B’s. It was 2B’s life, so that was who should have the final say. She wondered whether 2B had asked 9S this same question and he said no, or if she felt guiltier asking him after all they had been through.</p><p>               2B breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”</p><p>               She couldn’t say <em>you’re welcome</em>. It felt wrong with how much she didn’t want it to come to that. So instead, she just asked, “Is that something you want?”</p><p>               Leaning her back against the wall, 2B was quiet as she thought over her response. “I don’t know. I know what it’s like to have someone you care about look at you without even recognizing you. I’m not sure I could do that to 9S or you. But sometimes…” Her gaze turned downcast. “Sometimes the memories feel like more than I can bear.”</p><p>               “I understand.” She definitely understood that. Their circumstances were different, but the sentiment was the same.</p><p>               2B believed that. As well as 9S had come to know her, she had never felt quite so understood as she felt with A2. Maybe it was because A2 had seen all of her memories, had felt every emotion and sensation that she had felt with them. Maybe it was because they were the same model number, or… maybe it was just because there was something special about A2. Her logic circuits told her that the former two explanations were the ones that made the most sense, and yet for some reason, her emotion circuits seemed to tug her in the latter direction.</p><p>               “May I ask you a question?” 2B asked, somewhat reluctant because she knew that what she was about to ask could bring up old pain for A2.</p><p>               Guessing it must be something potentially sensitive if 2B felt the need to ask first, A2 tensed, but after thinking it over, she nodded. “I won’t promise to answer, but you can ask anything.”</p><p>               That was fair. 2B took a few seconds to decide on the right phrasing. When she finally spoke again, her voice was quiet. “Does it get easier? …Carrying bad memories.”</p><p>               Her expression darkened, but she decided she would answer the question. “I don’t know. Anemone tells me it does. She says I’ll feel better after I grieve.” She still wondered if she actually deserved to feel better, no matter what Anemone said or what her old allies would have said. “It’s… complicated.” She paused again, weighing her next words. They felt almost like something the ‘old her’ would have said, and that made her wonder if she should even admit it. In the end, she decided that for 2B’s sake, she would share. “I think it has gotten easier, lately. Having you and Anemone around helps.”</p><p>               She couldn’t even imagine trying to carry all of this alone. She was sure she wouldn’t be able to handle it, or more to the point, that she wouldn’t even see any reason to try. The fact that A2 had carried on for the past few years all alone was nothing short of amazing to her. “I just wish I knew… why. Why Commander made us fight if she knew there were no humans to be able to bring back. Why we had to sacrifice so much. For what reason?”</p><p>               A flash of memory took her breath away. <em>“I had… a reason to be here! But… I didn’t realize that until I’d already lost it.</em>” She could feel in her body the despair and hopelessness she had felt in that moment as though she was still right there, fighting in the server room. The pain of losing her allies felt endless.</p><p>               “A2?” She started to reach out, but stopped herself, worried about making things worse. A2’s eyes seemed slightly distant, almost as though looking through her instead of at her.</p><p>               2B’s voice brought her attention somewhat back into the present, but she could feel the tension in her body. She didn’t want to talk about this anymore, but she stopped herself from voicing that. How could she say she was here for 2B, but then turn around and say she couldn’t actually listen when 2B needed to talk?</p><p>               Fortunately, 2B had struggled enough with her own memories to have a hunch about what she had just witnessed. Contrary to A2’s self-depreciating thoughts, 2B didn’t hold it against her in the slightest or see it as discounting her support. A2 was there for her to the best of her ability, and that was all 2B would ever ask of her. It wasn’t as though A2 could help it if she started to feel overwhelmed.</p><p>               “I know it’s late, but can we take a walk?” 2B knew her suggestion would probably seem sudden, but she had observed that her own circuits and body seemed to become calmer and more stable when she engaged in physical movement. This conversation had been taxing enough that she was certain they could both use a break.</p><p>               A2 didn’t understand the sudden suggestion, but she trusted 2B, so she nodded and stood, offering 2B her hand.</p><p>               2B accepted her hand as she stood, continuing to hold it even as they went outside. She had begun to wonder lately why it was that she enjoyed physical touch with A2 so much, but for now, she decided not to question it. It was something that comforted both of them, and whatever the reason was, that was enough.</p><p>               It wasn’t as though she didn’t occasionally grab 9S’s hand to pull him along faster, or touch his face during an emotional moment he wouldn’t later remember. Maybe she was just more reluctant to engage in physical contact with him after so long of trying not to get close, and the way she acted with A2 now was how she would naturally be with a friend. …Part of her wondered if that was really true, but with so many other things on her mind, figuring out her exact feelings for A2 just didn’t seem as important at this time.</p><p>               As they walked, A2 felt herself begin to relax. It only registered then that she was holding 2B’s hand. Her memory of initiating the contact was there when she searched for it, however vague. She didn’t like the way more recent memories would feel foggy when the past tried to take over, but at least with 2B, she knew she was safe.</p><p>               “This was a good idea,” A2 said after a while, remembering that it was 2B who had made the suggestion that had led to them going on this walk.</p><p>               A small smile appeared on 2B’s face. She was relieved to see that A2 appeared to be feeling like herself again, and honestly, she felt a lot better than she had earlier too. “I’ve noticed it can help.”</p><p>               “I’ll definitely have to keep that in mind.” As she reflected, A2 felt guilty. She had been trying to comfort 2B, and yet somehow their roles had reversed. “…I’m sorry. It seems I’m not much good at supporting you.”</p><p>               It was so different from 2B’s own thoughts about the situation that she frowned, trying to figure out what A2 was even talking about. “What do you mean?”</p><p>               She wasn’t sure why 2B needed to ask. Wasn’t it obvious? “You ended up having to support me instead.”</p><p>               <em>Oh</em>… Without thinking about it, 2B gently squeezed A2’s hand, feeling her own chest ache in sympathy. “We’re supporting each other. That’s what allies do.”</p><p>               2B’s words sent a surge of complex emotions through her, warm and yet also conflicted. She had never felt like this with any of her other allies. Even with Anemone, who she should feel closer to than anybody else due to their shared experiences… her connection with 2B was different. But whatever the reason for that difference, she was happy to have 2B in her life now. “Thank you for understanding.”</p><p>               “Of course.” She offered a reassuring smile. “Want to head back?”</p><p>               “Sure.” They turned back towards A2’s home, which Pod had automatically marked on the map for A2. “If you’d like to stay with me tonight, I wouldn’t mind that.” There was a small risk that if 2B woke up first, 2B would catch her slightly shaken if she had a nightmare, but she decided she trusted her enough to accept that risk.</p><p>               The potential double entendre of A2’s offer went over the heads of both androids. 2B considered it, wondering if 9S would be alarmed if he woke and she wasn’t there. “Pod, can you let Pod 153 know I’m staying with A2 tonight so 9S won’t worry?”</p><p>               “Affirmative: Connecting to Pod network to commence communication with Pod 153.”</p><p>               When they got back to A2’s home, they laid down on opposite sides of the room. Neither of them had ever slept next to someone before, unless one included being shut down for maintenance, so it didn’t occur to either of them as an option… even as both found themselves keenly aware of the distance that separated them.</p><p>               Soon, both drifted off into sleep mode.</p>
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